According to Feedburner statistics, the first Funky House Finesse was downloaded over 10,000 times - that is more than double of any single episode of the One Phat DJ Podcast. It just goes to show that funky house is still hugely popular online and there is a market for it.

The problem is this: I know that only a tiny minority of that figure actually spent money on the featured tracks. Naughty, naughty!

The reason Funky House Finesse is produced is to promote the latest funky house tunes to everyone, especially those tracks that don’t get prime time coverage but deserve it. Seriously, if you’re enjoying the tunes, reward the artists and producers for their efforts by purchasing the track. Nearly all the tracks featured are linked to legal download websites where you can buy the track, normally for about £1.

With the lecture out the way, let’s move on to the second show from the Funky House Finesse series.

Featuring some monster tracks from the likes of Bassmonkeys, De’lacy, Jay J, One Foot In The Groove, Rudenko, Bimbo Jones, Ricky Luchini, Moony and a sexy remix by Jazz N Groove of Soulsearcher’s classic “Can’t Get Enough” kicking the show off, you’re in for 90 minutes of pure class mixed up by your resident One Phat DJ.

As before, the show will only be available to download for 1 month so make sure you don’t delay and download it right away.

Download Funky House Finesse 2 (April 2009)

Funky House Finesse 2 will also be broadcast on Lifted Radio soon. Dates and times are still to be confirmed but I am over the moon about landing the slot. I’ve been keen to broadcast the Funky House Finesse shows since the start and its an honour that Lifted Radio have offered me the slot. I’ll be sure to announce where and when you can check it out.

Talking of Lifted Radio, good friend Paul Velocity who also hosts a fortnightly show every Thursday afternoon kindly allowed me to sort out a guest mix a few weeks back. Thankfully, you can download and listen to the Platform Six show any time you want as all the shows are archived in a podcast. Check it out - I start about 25 minutes in.

Finally, if you enjoy the Funky House Finesse series, how about contributing to the production and download costs? A lot of work goes into the show behind the scenes and those downloads don’t come for free - bandwidth for 10,000 MP3s over 100MB in size isn’t cheap so if you’re feeling generous, how about donating to the cause via PayPal? Click the button below.

With all that said and done, I present to you Funky House Finesse 2 (April 2009).

Don’t forget to send us feedback on the show and spread the word. Even a mention on Facebook or Twitter will do the job.

Track Listing

1. Soulsearcher - Can’t Get Enough (Jazz N Groove Nu Disco Vocal) [Defected]
2. Jay J ft Latrice - The One (Original Mix)
3. Passionardor - There’s A Candle (Passion Vocal Mix)
4. Leon Lopez - Dance (One Foot In The Groove Club Vox) [One Foot In The Groove Records]
5. Kings Of Groove ft Andrea Love - Dreaming About You (Original Mix)
6. Boheme ft Angie Brown - Music In My Life (Matt Williams & Steve Price Vocal Mix)
7. Bibi ft Malou Beauvoir - Got To Believe (Original Mix)
8. Ministry of Funk - Way Back (Clubzound Remix)
9. Rudenko - Everybody (Morjac Remix)
10. De’lacy & Marco Gee - Bodyswerve (Soulshaker Remix)
11. Bimbo Jones - And I Try (eSQUIRE Mix)
12. Ricky Luchini ft Moony - Little Bird (Disko Kriminals Klub Mix)
13. Bassmonkeys - Purplehaze (Original Mix)
14. Alessia Kay  & Cannyrock - Cube AH Reloaded (Soul Power Mix)
15. Da Slammin’ Phrogz - Something About The Music (Kamasutra Extended Mix)
16. Star Pilots - In The Heat Of The Night (Dave Armstrong Remix)
17. House Bros - Let The Music (House Bros Back To Funk Mix)

(Disclaimer: Before anything, I toyed with the idea of using the obvious F word in this post but felt it would be more appropriate (and safe for work) to use a more… innocent F-word.)

Have you got five famous people you’re allowed to sleep with should the extremely rare opportunity ever arise?

Basically, this is a mutually-agreed list of five famous people your partner will allow you to sleep with if you were ever lucky enough to be in the situation. Should you actually have the kahunas to actually follow through with your ambition is a different matter and whole new moral stance. In theory though, you’ve got your insurance policy lined up, as does your partner.

This isn’t a new idea - Ross and Rachel of popular US sitcom Friends made it the subject of an episode way back in 1996. Some couples have already done their lists (whether they’re laminated is at their discretion) - my wife and I have done ours.

I thought it would be a fun (if a little risqué) idea to start an internet meme to claim yours.

Here are my Five Famous Fumbles:

1. Rachel Weisz
2. Kate Winslet
3. Anna Friel
4. Isla Fisher
5. Scarlett Johansson

There does seem to be a common theme in my selection, predominantly of British actresses - read what you will into that.

Feel free to disclose your Five Famous Fumbles in as creative way as possible - Twitter them, blog them, YouTube them - whatever suits you best! Just remember to tag them with “5 famous fumbles” (with or without the spaces).

Do note - this is just a bit of harmless, mindless fun. Please don’t be offended or start a whole discussion about the sanctity of marriage etc. I love my wife dearly and would never do anything to ruin the beautiful relationship we have.

Go on then, who are yours?

Today, the Fort Dunlop in Birmingham implemented a new car park scheme. They have allocated parking spaces to approximately 20% of employees for each business unit with the remaining spaces using a typical Pay & Display system.

I say “typical” - there’s nothing typical or even logical about the implementation:

1. The first hour and half is waived as a free complimentary period but you still need to get a ticket and put it in your window.
2. After this period, you need to go back to the car park and purchase yet another ticket at associated rates. The cost for a typical 8 hour day is £10.
3. The ticket machines don’t take notes nor credit cards, just coins.
4. There are no cash points on site.
5. There are no shops on site.
6. The marketing suite has no change.
7. There are two small cafe’s on site - both with small limited cash floats.
8. There is no block book option.
9. The free parking option is based at Star City (often referred to as “Stab City” for it’s high crime rate), with buses running “frequently” every hour.
10. Parking at the Fort Shopping Centre next door (which is free) have specifically stated they will clamp anyone parking in their facilities and leaving the site for the Fort Dunlop.

As you can see, Urban Cash have thoroughly thought this implementation through. As a regular employee on the site, I am expected to carry fifty pound coins on me every week for the pleasure of working in the office.

Even worse, they are claiming it’s “not for profit”. How can that be when current tenants haven’t had to pay for parking since the reopening last year but Urban Cash are quite proudly making big profits year on year?

As if charging approximately £250,000 per year for renting a quarter of a floor wasn’t enough too.

It’ll be interesting to see how long this lasts…

Disclaimer: this post is purely the thoughts of myself and do not in any way reflect the opinion of my employers.

Damn you Lloydy! I’d noticed the 8 Random Things meme doing the rounds, hoping to avoid it after my previous encounter with memes. Then I notice you getting involved in my Google Reader with that bloody link to my site at the bottom of your post.

Before anything, here are the rules:

The Rules

• You have to post these rules before giving you the facts.
• Players state eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• At the end of the blog post, you tag eight people and list their names. (Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.)
• People who are tagged need to write about their eight things on their own blog and also post these rules.

Well, who am I to wreck the fun - here goes…

1. I’ve never been to Ibiza. Ever! Even though I bang on about dance music like there’s no tomorrow, hosting a monthly podcast about the stuff, moreso than the majority of industry bigwigs, I have never been lucky enough to visit the White Isle. If any promoters or venues out in the Balaerics fancy inviting me out there next Summer for a few gigs, get in contact.
2. I don’t actually own a working computer. Another shocker! Considering I’m a self-confessed nerd, working at arguably the world’s leading Web company, I am still without my own piece of kit. This is mainly down to the fact most my PCs have died a death and I’ve relied on work laptops & Mac’s to get me by. Maybe I’ll treat myself for Christmas - who knows.
3. I’ve had work featured in three computer magazines. Back in 2003, Computer Arts featured the multi-award winning educational piece, Hitting the Target and in 2006, .net and Practical Web Design both featured World Cup KickOff in tutorials about Microformats.
4. I’m a sponge for local dialects. It doesn’t matter where I live, I pick up the accent and local lingo almost immediately and strangers often think I am a local. People still mistake me for a Brummie but I am a proud Derby boy, even if my accent doesn’t sound like it.
5. I actually cut Oscar’s umbilical cord. I am a wimp when it comes to anything blood or gore. When the midwife asked if I wanted to cut Oscar’s umbilical cord after birth, I was quick to say “no” without hesitation. But when it came to the crunch, I changed my mind, grabbed the scissors and continued the tradition. It’s a very emotional moment - I highly recommend it to any fathers-to-be!
6. The first vinyl record I ever bought was Stardust’s “Music Sounds Better With You“. It was a struggle thinking back to when I was introduced to dance music on vinyl but I grabbed a copy of the classic when it was originally released before I even had any decks. Needles to say, I hijacked my dad’s 33/45 record player in the lounge with the volume nearly maxed out back then.
7. I’ve got a tattoo of a monkey on my arm. Well, sort of. It’s actually the Chinese symbol for the year of the monkey, the year I was born. I got it done during my university years as a mad stunt - thankfully, I don’t regret it. I don’t think its chavvy and its something that will always be a part of me.
8. I don’t have any artistic qualifications. Considering I’ve been involved in computer design for over fifteen years, I never opted for any art or design oriented courses. I’ve always focussed on the media and business side of qualifications instead.

Well there you have it - eight random things (or more accurately, confessions) about Simon Jobling. Hopefully these things won’t be held against me and seen more as a bit of insight into my world and what makes me… me!

Time for some tagging now - which unfortunate people who I class as friends (and actually blog) will have to continue this chain mail? In alphabetical order…

1. Kate Bolin - I’m sure you’ve got some things to tell!
2. Owen Gregory - we need some personal information on that blog of yours.
3. Nick Harris - it’s been a bit quiet from up North lately.
4. Andreas Lagerkvist - what better way to exchange links than finding out all your Swedish heritage?
5. Stuart Maynard-Keep - come on then Wolves boy, enlighten us.
6. Ross Riley - again, its been a bit quiet from your part of the Web. And your site is called Sorry Lies, how appropriate.
7. Andy Thelwell - I’ll probably know half your random facts anyway but it would still be fun for the other four readers of your site.
8. Ben Ward - you can stop moaning about your mobile and write something a bit more fun for once.

Have fun guys!