(Disclaimer: Before anything, I toyed with the idea of using the obvious F word in this post but felt it would be more appropriate (and safe for work) to use a more… innocent F-word.)

Have you got five famous people you’re allowed to sleep with should the extremely rare opportunity ever arise?

Basically, this is a mutually-agreed list of five famous people your partner will allow you to sleep with if you were ever lucky enough to be in the situation. Should you actually have the kahunas to actually follow through with your ambition is a different matter and whole new moral stance. In theory though, you’ve got your insurance policy lined up, as does your partner.

This isn’t a new idea - Ross and Rachel of popular US sitcom Friends made it the subject of an episode way back in 1996. Some couples have already done their lists (whether they’re laminated is at their discretion) - my wife and I have done ours.

I thought it would be a fun (if a little risqué) idea to start an internet meme to claim yours.

Here are my Five Famous Fumbles:

1. Rachel Weisz
2. Kate Winslet
3. Anna Friel
4. Isla Fisher
5. Scarlett Johansson

There does seem to be a common theme in my selection, predominantly of British actresses - read what you will into that.

Feel free to disclose your Five Famous Fumbles in as creative way as possible - Twitter them, blog them, YouTube them - whatever suits you best! Just remember to tag them with “5 famous fumbles” (with or without the spaces).

Do note - this is just a bit of harmless, mindless fun. Please don’t be offended or start a whole discussion about the sanctity of marriage etc. I love my wife dearly and would never do anything to ruin the beautiful relationship we have.

Go on then, who are yours?

Over the weekend, I read Gary Marshall’s article “Status Anxiety” in .net magazine suggesting how most people are liars when updating their online status, a feature usually found in social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter. He claims that most updates on said social networks are either made up or an exaggeration of what is actually happening and, if people were honest, their status would succumb to one of two options:

1. “is dicking around on the Internet“
2. “is drunk as a lord”

How often have you found yourself fitting into one of the above options?

Now, anyone who knows me personally also knows I am a bit of a fanatic with updating my status. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much effort for me to do so. I update my Twitter stream using the IM bot in Adium (which also keeps track of all my friends statuses) and I have “installed” one of the only useful Facebook applications, TwitterSync, which automatically updates my Facebook profile when there is a change on Twitter. Minimum effort for maximum effect!

The reason I say it is for maximum effect is because I find myself, like many “professionals” (those with a profession which they are particularly proud of), make the most of this social feature for promotional purposes. They pick and choose what they put in their status. Rather than enlighten all their friends and contacts with the fact “Dave is feeling better after a nice poo”, they make sure they pick status updates which put them in a good light, suggesting their life is beyond the humdrum persona of mere mortals. Am I abusing the system, indicating the marketing success of MySpace is now moving towards other social networks such as Facebook and Bebo? The introduction of FB’s Fan Pages surely point towards this shift and how society are changing with it.

There is no hard fast decision on this debate but it’s interesting that Gary bought it up. I have thought about this fascination of following friend’s statuses on many occasions, wondering what it is that has the nation constantly logging into their FB homepage to see exactly what their nextdoor neighbour’s parents were eating last night.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you find yourself being selective about your status update or are you quite open, happy to divulge your private happenings? Should your Twitter status really be used as a promotional tool? Why are so many people obsessed with the lives of others? Are we moving our Big Brother obsessions away from the television and towards the Internet instead?

Damn you Lloydy! I’d noticed the 8 Random Things meme doing the rounds, hoping to avoid it after my previous encounter with memes. Then I notice you getting involved in my Google Reader with that bloody link to my site at the bottom of your post.

Before anything, here are the rules:

The Rules

• You have to post these rules before giving you the facts.
• Players state eight random facts/habits about themselves.
• At the end of the blog post, you tag eight people and list their names. (Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.)
• People who are tagged need to write about their eight things on their own blog and also post these rules.

Well, who am I to wreck the fun - here goes…

1. I’ve never been to Ibiza. Ever! Even though I bang on about dance music like there’s no tomorrow, hosting a monthly podcast about the stuff, moreso than the majority of industry bigwigs, I have never been lucky enough to visit the White Isle. If any promoters or venues out in the Balaerics fancy inviting me out there next Summer for a few gigs, get in contact.
2. I don’t actually own a working computer. Another shocker! Considering I’m a self-confessed nerd, working at arguably the world’s leading Web company, I am still without my own piece of kit. This is mainly down to the fact most my PCs have died a death and I’ve relied on work laptops & Mac’s to get me by. Maybe I’ll treat myself for Christmas - who knows.
3. I’ve had work featured in three computer magazines. Back in 2003, Computer Arts featured the multi-award winning educational piece, Hitting the Target and in 2006, .net and Practical Web Design both featured World Cup KickOff in tutorials about Microformats.
4. I’m a sponge for local dialects. It doesn’t matter where I live, I pick up the accent and local lingo almost immediately and strangers often think I am a local. People still mistake me for a Brummie but I am a proud Derby boy, even if my accent doesn’t sound like it.
5. I actually cut Oscar’s umbilical cord. I am a wimp when it comes to anything blood or gore. When the midwife asked if I wanted to cut Oscar’s umbilical cord after birth, I was quick to say “no” without hesitation. But when it came to the crunch, I changed my mind, grabbed the scissors and continued the tradition. It’s a very emotional moment - I highly recommend it to any fathers-to-be!
6. The first vinyl record I ever bought was Stardust’s “Music Sounds Better With You“. It was a struggle thinking back to when I was introduced to dance music on vinyl but I grabbed a copy of the classic when it was originally released before I even had any decks. Needles to say, I hijacked my dad’s 33/45 record player in the lounge with the volume nearly maxed out back then.
7. I’ve got a tattoo of a monkey on my arm. Well, sort of. It’s actually the Chinese symbol for the year of the monkey, the year I was born. I got it done during my university years as a mad stunt - thankfully, I don’t regret it. I don’t think its chavvy and its something that will always be a part of me.
8. I don’t have any artistic qualifications. Considering I’ve been involved in computer design for over fifteen years, I never opted for any art or design oriented courses. I’ve always focussed on the media and business side of qualifications instead.

Well there you have it - eight random things (or more accurately, confessions) about Simon Jobling. Hopefully these things won’t be held against me and seen more as a bit of insight into my world and what makes me… me!

Time for some tagging now - which unfortunate people who I class as friends (and actually blog) will have to continue this chain mail? In alphabetical order…

1. Kate Bolin - I’m sure you’ve got some things to tell!
2. Owen Gregory - we need some personal information on that blog of yours.
3. Nick Harris - it’s been a bit quiet from up North lately.
4. Andreas Lagerkvist - what better way to exchange links than finding out all your Swedish heritage?
5. Stuart Maynard-Keep - come on then Wolves boy, enlighten us.
6. Ross Riley - again, its been a bit quiet from your part of the Web. And your site is called Sorry Lies, how appropriate.
7. Andy Thelwell - I’ll probably know half your random facts anyway but it would still be fun for the other four readers of your site.
8. Ben Ward - you can stop moaning about your mobile and write something a bit more fun for once.

Have fun guys!

Today is Red Nose Day. It’s a day where everyone in the UK (with a personality) has a laugh and raises as much money as possible for Comic Relief in stupid and hilarious ways. It’s a great idea. You get to enjoy yourself while doing something for charity.

So, to give us Webbies something to do, I want everyone to take a photo of yourself wearing your nose, wherever you are (ideally in ridiculous comical situations) and upload it to Flickr tagging it with nerdswithnoses and adding it to the Nerds with Noses group.

I’ll start the ball rolling with this (poor) effort…

I’ll try to get more photos throughout the day in more compromising situations. Let’s see yours!